I’d like to start this col­umn by wish­ing you a won­der­ful year 2004. I hope 2004 will bring you luck, suc­cess and, of course, love.
Last month, I went to see Snow White at the Folies Bergère. That the­atre, once famous for its glam­ourous revues fea­tur­ing half naked female dancers (such as the leg­endary Josephine Bak­er), is now pre­sent­ing a chil­dren musi­cal with ful­ly clothed dwarves. Times are changing.
Any­way, that sweet lit­tle show remind­ed me of my child­hood games, when my friends and I were play­ing witch­es and princess­es. For some rea­son, I always end­ed up play­ing the witch, prob­a­bly because of my beau­ti­ful long black hair. What about you ? Do you pre­fer to be a princess or queen/witch ? If you don’t know, answer hon­est­ly this lit­tle quizz.

1 — What is your goal in life ?
A – Find love
B – Remain young and beau­ti­ful forever
C – Find love AND remain young and beau­ti­ful forever

2 — When you’re alone and need to talk, who (or what) do you talk to ?
A – A broom
B – Your mirror
C – Your ted­dy bear

3 — Which of the fol­low­ing sen­tence with the word « love » do you most relate to ?
A – Love me
B – I’m mean and I love it
C – Love me even if I’m mean

4 — What is your favourite day­time activity ?
A — Housecleaning
B – Shav­ing your legs and extract­ing black spots from your face
C – Lis­ten­ing to cast record­ings while extract­ing black spots from your face

5 — If you need to cheer up a friend, what do you do ?
A –Sing a song
B – Tell him/her to go in the woods to col­lect mushrooms
C – Go shop­ping with him/her

6 — What is your idea of fashion ?
A – Rags
B – A green kimono with an embroi­dered drag­on worn over a pair of black laced pants, Madon­na style, cir­ca 1985
C – Some­thing sim­ple yet ele­gant, prob­a­bly black and from an expen­sive Ital­ian designer

7 — What is your favourite punishment ?
A – Make some­one sniff a stink­ing sock
B – Whip someone’s ass with a plas­tic sword
C – Kick someone’s ass

8 — What is your favourite food ?
A – Apples
B – You don’t like food, you just like to drink and get drunk
C – An olive with a fan­cy cocktail

9 — Before you die, what would you like your final words to be ?
A – « Wow, this apple is so good ! »
B – « I’m not that mean after all. »
C – You haven’t thought about it yet

If you have a major­i­ty of A’s : You are Snow White. Cool. You are a charm­ing lit­tle princess. Naive and inno­cent, you believe in true love. That is so cute but dar­ling, did you know that if you kiss that frog-look­ing guy, he won’t turn into a prince ? You can’t find Prince Charm­ing or Cin­derel­la in real life. Don’t trust some­one just because (s)he smiles. Life is slight­ly more com­plex than that. But maybe you know all that and you’re pre­tend­ing to be naive just because peo­ple find it cute. Con­grat­u­la­tions then.

You have a major­i­ty of B’s : You are the Mean Queen ! No offence but you are very obnox­ious, nasty, naughty, bad, evil. Sor­ry, but my Eng­lish is too poor to find oth­er adjec­tives to describe you. You love to bitch all day, tease your friends, laugh at them, steal their spous­es, but yet you know how to keep a charm­ing mis­chievi­ous smile on your face. Can we blame you for being so bad ? Well, not real­ly. At least you’re hav­ing fun and make this bor­ing life look fun and col­or­ful. Just remem­ber once in a while to stop act­ing to let your true soul express itself. Maybe you’re not that bad after all.

You have a major­i­ty of C’s : You’re me ! Or maybe you’re my new best friend, or my next best friend. So you’re not real­ly a Snow White char­ac­ter. But, hon­est­ly, who would like to be such thing ? Would you like to spend your days watch­ing dirty socks for sev­en dwarves ?Would you like to wear a green kimono ? Nah. Any­way, you are a won­der­ful per­son, a no non-sense type, very down-to-earth, with an exquis­ite sense of style and a wit­ty sense of humour. You’re almost per­fect, the only thing is that you like to do stu­pid things, like tak­ing time to answer this stu­pid quizz. Hey, what did you think ? I grad­u­at­ed in Jour­nal­ism, not Psy­chol­o­gy. So grab your purse and go shop­ping. There are won­der­ful bar­gains out there. This is SALE month ! That’s the answer to this quizz.

You don’t have a major­i­ty of any­thing : Maybe you’re a dwarf !